ah, past!

sorting out old files is one of my favorite pastimes. with so much time in my hands now, i finally get to sit down and re-read every card, letter, paper or whatever, and reminisce. my so-called files are classified first by year, and then by school (that i have attended) and company (that i have worked with) to represent the different chapters of my life. and every year, i try to make it a point to "de-clog" by throwing away or burning unnecessary papers and stuffs, before i begin adding my new collections. this week, while i was in the process of "de-clogging", i came across this beautiful composition, which was written, or so he claimed (peace, paul!) by a very dear friend and shared it with me when i suffered my very first heartbreak at 22. for some reasons, this piece consoled me then. i hope you would like this as much as i do, here it goes:

a past that never existed

(by pfl)

how would you call things which seemed to be what they are not, only to realize that they indeed were what they seemed – and seemed not?

and what do you call emotions which you constantly refuse to accept, yet in the end the truth shall betray those denials?

which would be the lesser evil – suppressing the actions though the emotions are on fire – or revealing that which the heart cries out for and burn in guilt?

or which would be more painful – running into each other’s arms for that last embrace, or even for that last kiss for the imminent goodbye – and relive the past; or just being there without being there and pretend as though no one among you ever existed – and that a past was never shared at all?

and which would you prefer – living in the light yet be constantly disturbed by a romance that never was; or be swept away by the intoxicating demands of restless heart, and ever live among the shadows?

here’s to a past that never existed because it should never have existed at all. nevertheless it happened.

gadget problems

my hard disk is dying. or perhaps, it has died already since i never really bothered to check on it this week. but before you jump for joy, i am happy to say that i did manage to back up my most important files (read: japan photos, iuj ek-eks, thesis, etc.) thanks to the efforts of my ayala friends - suzie, jojo and gani (guys, you're the best and i am eternally grateful for all your help!) now, i am resigned to the fact that i am pc-less, as to how long that would be i have simply no clue as replacing the disk is the least of my priorities as of the moment. i must admit though that i do miss playing sims2 university since it crashed.

last month while i was in kl, i almost reformatted my n6630 out of impatience. you see, i was so eager to try the bigger memory card which i bought at a really good bargain. so without reading the instructions or understanding the commands, i immediately tinkered with my phone and ended up changing the settings or something to that effect. good thing my ga (as always) came to the rescue before it was too late. otherwise, i would have said goodbye to vodafone international roaming for good.

early this year, my digicam fell in yokohama. or it got dropped, no, actually it was accidentally smashed on the floor. while it only suffered minor injuries like few scratches here and there, the flash function was never the same again. sometimes it works, most of the time it doesn't. as a result, i couldn't rely 100% on my digicam anymore in taking night shots.

and my ipod, oh my precious! thank god it's already perfectly working. earlier this month, it got me scared because my pc couldn't detect it. for a week, i got stuck with the same songs and lectures (i saved only around 500 songs then, plus some lectures on the history of the 20th century). but before i knew it, my pc could detect it once again, as if nothing happened. so i quickly maximized its capacity before it would encounter the same problem.

and i still had a lot of unfortunate encounters with gadgets in the past. for instance, i carelessly reformatted my ga's digicam last year, deleting my 200+ washington and philadelphia photos in a flash. (blame it on the japanese manual!) this makes me ask... what do gadgets have against me? or is it just me? :)