ah, past!

sorting out old files is one of my favorite pastimes. with so much time in my hands now, i finally get to sit down and re-read every card, letter, paper or whatever, and reminisce. my so-called files are classified first by year, and then by school (that i have attended) and company (that i have worked with) to represent the different chapters of my life. and every year, i try to make it a point to "de-clog" by throwing away or burning unnecessary papers and stuffs, before i begin adding my new collections. this week, while i was in the process of "de-clogging", i came across this beautiful composition, which was written, or so he claimed (peace, paul!) by a very dear friend and shared it with me when i suffered my very first heartbreak at 22. for some reasons, this piece consoled me then. i hope you would like this as much as i do, here it goes:

a past that never existed

(by pfl)

how would you call things which seemed to be what they are not, only to realize that they indeed were what they seemed – and seemed not?

and what do you call emotions which you constantly refuse to accept, yet in the end the truth shall betray those denials?

which would be the lesser evil – suppressing the actions though the emotions are on fire – or revealing that which the heart cries out for and burn in guilt?

or which would be more painful – running into each other’s arms for that last embrace, or even for that last kiss for the imminent goodbye – and relive the past; or just being there without being there and pretend as though no one among you ever existed – and that a past was never shared at all?

and which would you prefer – living in the light yet be constantly disturbed by a romance that never was; or be swept away by the intoxicating demands of restless heart, and ever live among the shadows?

here’s to a past that never existed because it should never have existed at all. nevertheless it happened.