the first trimester

the past 4 weeks or so have been really difficult... extremely difficult, for me. and i've lost weight.

i started to have my morning sickness on my 4th week. this is me a month ago.

i was actually very hungry here but i couldn't take anything at all, even just a sip of my fave green tea. the smell of japanese food alone was enough to make me nauseous. i was (and still am) so hungry all the time that i would just sleep it off. sometimes, i would dream of pinoy food like sinugba or my mom's simple dishes. my hubby used to cook adobo, grilled fish and some of my favorite dishes but now they all make me sick. i couldn't take the smell of spices and any cooking-related smell, so we end up eating out most of the time. (i have become super-sensitive to smell that i could even smell the dust). at my favorite thai restaurant in ginza, i could only drink the fresh buko juice (which was selling for p300/shell, by the way!) we also tried indonesian food (nasi goreng) and vietnamese spring rolls at this asian kitchen in shinjuku, but i had to rush home to throw up.

my morning sickness occurs twice a day - when i get up and when i get home from work. for so many times, i've fought the urge to throw up when i am outside the house. and so far, i have succeeded in training myself to vomit only when at home. and it's not just an ordinary nausea - it's so painful because there's really nothing to vomit in the first place. and i get so frustrated and helpless that i would cry. then i would think of expectant mothers who had to go through this difficult experience without supportive husbands and/or families, and i would cry even more! and i would think of my mom, who got married at 18 and bore 7 kids. (was it hard for her too everytime?) now, i appreciate and love her more than ever!

i know i haven't been eating well (or should i say, couldn't) but my doctor assured me that the baby is growing as he/she should be. thank god for this sort of nutrition bag that keeps him/her well-fed regardless if i eat or not. i survive on crackers, some protein bars and energy drink. and on days that i am lucky, i could eat pasta or camote. but i really miss eating rice... i have always been a rice person.

i am currently taking weeks off from work and i am actually feeling so much better. thankfully, my nausea is becoming less and less frequent. in fact, 3 days ago i could eat an onigiri (a japanese riceball snack wrapped in seaweed with various stuffings) and french fries! yesterday, i started eating fruits and now i can take milk!

here's my latest photo, taken on the day i got my appetite back. (i hope it's back for good though).
i am actually showing a small bump already. and i can't wait to shop for maternity clothes but it is still too cold to go out. it's too samok going shopping with layers and layers of clothing. i wonder when will it get warmer? hopefully, before i go back to work!

i am sure that the coming weeks and months will still be filled with challenges and difficulties, but i console myself with the thought that this is one journey that all expectant women have to go through, and to face by themselves.

and my own experience makes me admire all mothers!